Our Teens' Mental Health
Do you remember what it took to be a very high-achieving student a generation ago? You got As, even some Bs, in the hardest classes your high school offered. You probably topped out at about four AP classes by the time you graduated if you were really pushing hard. You took the SAT once (without studying). You excelled at a sport or musical instrument and participated in student government or quiz bowl. That was it. Then you applied to a handful of selective schools, writing a few essays that you typed out under some parental duress. You carried on with your life until April, and then when you got in, you went off to Princeton, or UCLA, Chicago, or UVA. Done.
Were you stressed? Sure. Definitely. Was it anything like what our kids face now? Not at all.
Teen Mental Health Is Under Attack
Every day I get calls from parents whose kids are struggling with anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and other challenges. The pandemic sent many teens over the cliff’s edge with the increased isolation it created. At the same time, we’ve upped the ante on performance, with kids today expected to excel in twice the number of AP courses and achieve in ever-increasingly brag worthy ways beyond the classroom. If what was a given a generation ago– having a good chance of being admitted to a highly selective school– is now only a shot at playing the lottery for one of those spots, it’s no wonder that everyone feels locked in a competition they can’t win. Throw in global economic uncertainty and exponentially increasing education costs, and it’s all a race to the bottom.
There is a reason Yale’s “Happiness” professor says anxiety is destroying her students.
Our Teens Are Overly Pressured and out of Touch with Themselves
Like Professor Santos, I see students cracking under the pressure in high school and college. Some never make it to college, and others drop out halfway through because they are so burned out. I also see more students than ever pursuing careers in which they have no interest only because a path is seen as prestigious or high earning. The result is a lot of unhappy humans.
Where do we go from here?
Here are a few items on my mental health wish list:
Less screen time– screen time is directly correlated with rising depression rates in adolescents– including with school work. We can move math and science problem sets back to paper and pencil, giving our kids’ brains a break from the screen.
Throw out the phones so kids can make space for other activities. I’ve come close, but I haven’t done it to my teens’ phones– yet. Here’s an observation for this generation: nine out of ten teens of whom I ask about their reading habits tell me, “Yeah, I always loved reading. Then I stopped, hmm, around middle school.” Yup, when they got a phone.
Stop thinking there is one definition of success for all people. The idea that the only way to be a successful student is to end up in the Ivy League is a lie that hurts us all.
Encourage our kids to find meaning beyond themselves. For some it is in service, for others in creating, for others in an excitement about technology. The more our kids learn to seek activities for their intrinsic value and not external validation, the more in sync they will be with themselves– and the happier they will be.
Let kids work. Every human wants to be needed, and if our culture continues to infantilize teens, expecting them only to perform in the classroom and on the sports field but not in washing the dishes at home or hauling boxes at an afterschool job, we are cutting them off from opportunities to grow.
More than anything, let’s destigmatize seeking help, both for parents and teens. Getting help is always a sign of strength.
What’s on your wish list?
CTK Study Tip
Spend five minutes each day planning for the day’s work and spend another five minutes thinking about the big picture for the tests and projects coming up in the week and month ahead.
Sign up for Small Group College Coaching: Group Starts in June
Admissions season is right around the corner for our juniors. Join my small group admissions coaching, CTK College Access, a low-cost, high-touch approach to college admissions. The sessions are virtual, interactive workshops that meet twice/month from June-November. Read more and join here.
Reach out anytime to schedule a free 20-minute consultation with Christina to address all your questions about academics, test prep, and admissions.
